Self-Esteem Is For Those Who Earn It.

Mamacita says:  I have never understood the utter gall and entitlement mindset of some parents.  At the end of each grading period, these same parents would be storming the school, demanding  a few extra points so Lil’ Bubba or Lil’ Miz Fancypants would be eligible to play ball or cheer or be promoted to the next level or jack that grade up a notch so he/she can be in the AP class with his/her friends, all this without doing any actual WORK that would deserve such.

“I’m benched because Mr. Justice failed me.”  Excuse me?  You’re benched because you failed yourself.  Mr. Justice was just the scorekeeper, Lil’ Bubba.

If, during a basketball game, a parent came charging down out of the bleachers and demanded of the scorekeeper that Bubba get points because he tried so hard, the entire gym would rock with derisive laughter, well-earned.  Why should Bubba get points when he didn’t earn any points?  He shouldn’t, that’s what.  To demand partial credit for a ball that didn’t go through the hoop would be ridiculous.  Absurd.  Laughable.  Stupid.

And the same should go for the classroom.

Yes, some students do better than others.  Some students are endowed with more brains or more physical prowess.  Let these students get the points they so rightly earn.  Is it unfair that other students, no matter how hard they try, just can’t seem to get the ball through the hoop?  I don’t think “fair” even enters into the picture!  Life can be hard, and we all have different strong points.  To insist that anyone of any age in any category or capacity be given the gift of points or credit or rewards, etc, for something not rightfully earned is a slap in the face to those who DO earn their points.  When everybody wins, nobody wins.  When people who don’t earn it, get it anyway, it’s a monumentally gross unfairness to those who genuinely did earn it.

Self esteem, you argue?  I call bullshit on that one.  Do adults really believe a kid doesn’t know the difference between an earned award and a compensatory parental fantasy award?  Nobody is fooled except the adults.  Many’s the time I’ve overheard raucous laughter in the restroom after an awards program, because Bubba’s parents were beaming in the bleachers over his foot-high “way to show up!” trophy.

To quote Mandy Patinkin, “Let me sum up.”

A grade that wasn’t honestly earned is worthless and everybody knows it.  A parent who goes to school and demands extra credit or some kind of freebie is a bad parent.  Extra credit is for students who did the original credit and want some EXTRA.  Extra credit is not “in place of” credit.  Students who don’t do the work don’t deserve the points.  If the student is in Cancun when the midterm exam is given, the student gets a zero on the exam.  Must be present to win.

If the ball doesn’t actually go through the hoop, no points are earned.  Period.

Not fair?  Not FAIR?  Fair is just compensation for actual work done.  Fair is not freebies, or pity points, or political points.  Either the student does it, or he/she does not.

And those school corporations that are now forbidding the oft-earned grade of ZERO?  Those schools who require all zeros to be recorded as 60%?

Those schools are administered by idiots.

“But, but, a student can’t RECOVER from a zero!”

Then the student should have worked harder to get some points.  It’s all the student’s fault.  Life is full of choices.

You work out, you practice hard, and maybe the ball will go through the hoop.  You goof off, you show up when you feel like it, and the ball will probably not.  If your mommy makes a scene and demands credit for points not earned, Mommy is a nutjob.  An administration that caves and forces the teacher/coach to make a gift of earned points to any student for any reason is a bad, bad, incompetent administration.

I would fight to the death for my children.  I would lie down in the road for them.  I would offer myself to the fire for them.  But I would never insist they be given points for something they didn’t do or deserve.  We are entitled only to those things we have earned.

Earn it or don’t get it.  Period.

Bah.  I’m in a mood.


Comments

Self-Esteem Is For Those Who Earn It. — 18 Comments

  1. Amen, sister! I love it when you preach this, because it makes me (and most of those I work with) seem normal (when we don’t normally feel that way around other educators).

    Also, have you been reading these:

    https://threestandarddeviationstotheleft.blogspot.com/2009/07/effort-and-student-expectations-post.html

    and

    https://threestandarddeviationstotheleft.blogspot.com/2009/08/effort-and-student-expectations-post.html

    ?

    I gave the linked articles in these posts to my boss (who is the Dean of Students at a local private college prep school) today, and she was very excited to see these things getting out there. We’re really, truly trying to combat the sense of entitlement that these students feel, so they don’t continue this for the rest of their educational (or vocational) lives. Some of those stats in the second linked article (the one in the second article) just had us flabbergasted. My husband deals with some of those on a regular basis, and now we can see why university students ask why they can’t make up their final when they want to go on vacation with their parents or why he can’t just give them extra credit to get their grade up. Because you’re an adult and the grade needs to reflect your actual, honest, on-time work! That’s how work actually works: You do the work and make sure it’s as perfect as possible and on time; otherwise, your boss may not be too thrilled with your “performance”.

    jess

  2. Amen, sister! I love it when you preach this, because it makes me (and most of those I work with) seem normal (when we don’t normally feel that way around other educators).

    Also, have you been reading these:

    https://threestandarddeviationstotheleft.blogspot.com/2009/07/effort-and-student-expectations-post.html

    and

    https://threestandarddeviationstotheleft.blogspot.com/2009/08/effort-and-student-expectations-post.html

    ?

    I gave the linked articles in these posts to my boss (who is the Dean of Students at a local private college prep school) today, and she was very excited to see these things getting out there. We’re really, truly trying to combat the sense of entitlement that these students feel, so they don’t continue this for the rest of their educational (or vocational) lives. Some of those stats in the second linked article (the one in the second article) just had us flabbergasted. My husband deals with some of those on a regular basis, and now we can see why university students ask why they can’t make up their final when they want to go on vacation with their parents or why he can’t just give them extra credit to get their grade up. Because you’re an adult and the grade needs to reflect your actual, honest, on-time work! That’s how work actually works: You do the work and make sure it’s as perfect as possible and on time; otherwise, your boss may not be too thrilled with your “performance”.

    jess

  3. I couldn’t agree more. Policies like these aren’t helping anybody. Last year I was constantly arguing with my teenager about his late work. “I’ll still get full credit for it when I turn it in,” he’d yell. Why? Why are teachers giving full credit for late papers. It’s infuriating. How is that teaching kids to be responsible? Why are parents not only accepting this, but demanding these kind of policies?

  4. I couldn’t agree more. Policies like these aren’t helping anybody. Last year I was constantly arguing with my teenager about his late work. “I’ll still get full credit for it when I turn it in,” he’d yell. Why? Why are teachers giving full credit for late papers. It’s infuriating. How is that teaching kids to be responsible? Why are parents not only accepting this, but demanding these kind of policies?

  5. You would CRINGE at some of the crap we have to put up with now. A couple of examples: when students skip our classes, we are required to allow them to make up work. HUH? And the newest one is if a student cheats on a test, we can’t just give him a 0, we have to give him another chance to take the test. Most of us have said that OH, we will, but it will be a way harder test and that kid will have to be there at 6 am to take it. If s/he doesn’t show up, too bad. We don’t have to do 60% yet, but I’m sure that’s coming. 60% is a failing grade on something that’s turned in, correct? Thus, how can a missing assignment/test be 60%??

  6. You would CRINGE at some of the crap we have to put up with now. A couple of examples: when students skip our classes, we are required to allow them to make up work. HUH? And the newest one is if a student cheats on a test, we can’t just give him a 0, we have to give him another chance to take the test. Most of us have said that OH, we will, but it will be a way harder test and that kid will have to be there at 6 am to take it. If s/he doesn’t show up, too bad. We don’t have to do 60% yet, but I’m sure that’s coming. 60% is a failing grade on something that’s turned in, correct? Thus, how can a missing assignment/test be 60%??

  7. Amen, soul sister!!! We are chest-high in “Failure is Not an Option” and 60s for the lowest grade. Is it any wonder that over half of incoming college freshmen require remedial classes?

    If this is your bad mood, come sit my me!

  8. Amen, soul sister!!! We are chest-high in “Failure is Not an Option” and 60s for the lowest grade. Is it any wonder that over half of incoming college freshmen require remedial classes?

    If this is your bad mood, come sit my me!

  9. I was a student who always earned my grades. My parents incentive for straight A’s? Freedom. Anything less than an A was met with immediate punishment. My parent’s weren’t crazy for demanding such from me, I was more than capable of earning such grades.

    I do, however, quite clearly recall one middle school math class in which all of us who sat near the chalkboard were literally 1 point from perfection. Some of us were in tears because of this. (That would be because some of us had never seen anything less than a 100%). This whole scenario played out with everyone in the class having 1 extra point added to their grade.

    I would like to point out that I was not one of the crying students, at least outwardly.

  10. I was a student who always earned my grades. My parents incentive for straight A’s? Freedom. Anything less than an A was met with immediate punishment. My parent’s weren’t crazy for demanding such from me, I was more than capable of earning such grades.

    I do, however, quite clearly recall one middle school math class in which all of us who sat near the chalkboard were literally 1 point from perfection. Some of us were in tears because of this. (That would be because some of us had never seen anything less than a 100%). This whole scenario played out with everyone in the class having 1 extra point added to their grade.

    I would like to point out that I was not one of the crying students, at least outwardly.

  11. I wasn’t aware that you were on staff at my school – because we’ve been telling people this for years (much to no avail!)

  12. I wasn’t aware that you were on staff at my school – because we’ve been telling people this for years (much to no avail!)

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