Another Mothers’ Day Without Mom

Mamacita says: I cherished my mother, and would give anything if she were still here so I could bring midnight cake and flowers and perfume and dinner and new shoes to her, still. If your mother was less than perfect, you don’t have to feel as I do. It’s not a contest.

If your mother is gone, for whatever reason, you aren’t obligated to mourn, but if you feel like mourning, then do so. I miss my mother every day, but if you don’t miss yours, that’s okay. Not everybody is as lucky as I am, with their mothers. And sometimes, the same mother is viewed differently by different offspring. That’s okay, too.

But I think you all already knew that my relationship with my mother was wonderful. We had our differences, and she could be quirky (good think I’m not) but I appreciated her care of me all my life, and I was glad to care for her those last few years.

She was always there when I needed her.

Mom was a nurturer, and I benefited greatly from that. Nobody is perfect, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Perfection is a done deal, and relationships are ongoing and ever-changing, not a done deal.

I miss my mom. And when I’m feeling down, I miss my mommy. I don’t need a special day to think of her, but if some of you do, that’s okay, too.

Even if a mother was not all she should have been. . . even if a mother was abusive. . . . even if a mother was absent too much. . . . even if a mother was a drunk, or a druggie, or a whore. . . . think hard. There is something to love in spite of all that. And if there isn’t, that’s her fault, not yours. I loved my mother. I hope there is someone in your life, whether it’s a mother, father, aunt, uncle, neighbor, whoever, who made you feel like my mom made me feel.

And if you still can’t think of anybody, come on over.

Phyllis Grogan Byers, my beautiful mom.


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