Come, Have An Aneurysm With Me!

Mamacita says:  This is my answer to a teacher forum question:  Why does it seem that students have so many issues nowadays?”

Many parents don’t want to take the responsibility and administrators don’t want to anger these parents. Too many parents expect the school to supply everything and BE everything because the parents don’t know how, don’t want to, it’s inconvenient, they’d rather buy cigarettes and beer than mittens and socks, and they themselves were brought up to believe that society OWED them, when in fact society owes nobody anything. Our schools are expected to feed, clothe, counsel, medicate, analyze, supply, and educate each child according to his/her individual requirements, and no institution or individual can do that properly if all are to be accommodated – there aren’t that many hours in the day.  Somebody has to be ignored and that ‘somebody’ is our good, well-behaved, average-and-above kids, who get pretty much nothing while the misbehaving attention-grabbing brat kid next to them gets all kinds of attention.

Our schools should be there to educate those who wish to be educated. Our schools are not should not be places to park a kid who has no intention of cooperating with the teacher or doing a lick of schoolwork. Students who need a little extra help and who respond to it, yes, give them that extra help. This rant is not about that; it’s about a kid who knowingly and eagerly disrupts and cares nothing about learning, only about making waves. Besides, I’m willing to give a kid the benefit of the doubt, at least in the beginning; whereas, their parents are supposed to be adults who should know better if they’re worth a toot.

Our schools should not be substitutes for a home, and unfortunately, for far too many kids today, school is the closest thing to a decent home a kid has, because at his real home, mom is shacked up with his seatmate’s dad, REAL dad is in jail or living with his parents who are enabling his immature behavior, every adult in the kid’s life is behaving more like a child than the children are, nobody is training him, nobody is disciplining him, and everywhere he goes, he gets his own way because nobody wants to deal with a tantrum, a fit, or anything from him that indicates displeasure of any kind. OR, he’s completely ignored because Mommy and/or Daddy have their own lives to pursue, and those lives are mostly in pursuit of pleasure  on someone else’s dollar. Either way, genuine consequences as a result of his own actions are unknown, because the school is required to throw a cushion over him to protect him from such things, and 86-year-old Grandma is too tired and too disgusted with her own kids and too out-of-touch to raise a child in the 21st century, and because, oh poor little thing, his life is AWFUL and we must all tiptoe around him. The home has no books, no magazines (except the dirty ones the child has full access to, in Mom and Uncle Daddy’s bedroom) the house is full of liquor and tobacco and worse, they can’t pay the rent but they’ve got a full liquor cabinet and a huge flat-screen LCD tv and plenty of cigarettes, there are no bedtimes and no privacy and no personal possessions – either at home OR at school – and most of the meals are supplied by our tax dollars. Nobody in this kid’s life works, except for his teachers, and they are referred to at home as “suckers,” and expected to fill in for ho-babe mommy and her various live-ins, none of whom have a job or intend to ever get one, and the kids are great sources of extra welfare money.

This is pretty harsh, but it accurately describes about a third of most of the public school kids I’ve had, and their “families.”

The rest of the kids were sweet, well-mannered, well-behaved, smart, and worked hard, but the majority of the time, attention, and money went to the lowest common denominator. This is unacceptable.

I am extremely harsh with adults who do not act as such. They do not deserve sympathy; their children do, but the adults in their lives do not. It’s a shame we can’t permanently remove innocent children from these dens of disgusting, immoral adults and put them with loving families who would take proper care of them.

My college students often write about their childhoods, and the majority of them wish somebody in authority would have removed them from their mothers’ homes and placed them with somebody who was actually grown up, and who did not subject them to such antics as shacking up with men who didn’t care enough about them to make it legal, and forcing a child to witness it. Even the drugs and booze didn’t affect my students as much as having to live with adults who didn’t love them enough to make the relationship legally bonding.  What do you think goes through a kid’s mind when he knows either Mom or Dad could walk out the door any time things didn’t go his/her way?   And yes, I know that many marriages don’t work out, but I also believe most of those would if both parties would just buck up and GROW up and act like the adults they’re supposed to be.  That means, of course, that people would need to keep their hormones under control, therefore keeping unlawful penii out of their pants, and one’s own out of unlawful pants.  That’s too difficult for some people.  We all know what kind.

Y’all should just read some of my students’ essays some time. Sometimes, I cry over them, late at night, and wish I could go back in time to somehow get some grown-up sense in their parents’ heads before they ruined an innocent kid. With some mentalities, though, I have also come to believe that no amount of anything can change the way people are wired, and some people are wired to look out for #1 and do whatever feels good for THEM. Nobody else has any rights.

Bah. Bad day, can ya tell?

I’m reading an essay by a forty-year-old man who is telling me of his life with his mother, who had him at thirteen, kept him so she could be “loved unconditionally, and get a lot of welfare money, too” and ended up raising himself because Mommy had a right to be a free and fun-loving teen, didn’t she? Her life shouldn’t stop because of one stupid mistake, should it?  She’s got a right to a life!  He writes of his mom’s string of shack-ups and how, after the first five or six, he stopped trying to bond with them because it hurt too badly when they left, and they all left. He writes of a mother who has dated his classmates. He writes of Uncle Daddies who claimed to love him but left him anyway. He writes of wanting desperately to go with some of the Daddies but Mommy wouldn’t let him go because “she couldn’t LIVE without her baby” which didn’t take him long to translate into “I can’t LIVE without the welfare money you bring in because it buys my cigarettes.”

And this is only one of many, all similar, all wishing their parents had been committed adults, instead of adults who should have been committed.

To some of our kids, the word “adult” means “dirty.” They don’t even KNOW any grownups, except for us.

Many of you younger teachers think I’m jaded and opinionated and judgmental, and that you have a perfect right to live as you please and old fogies like me should butt out. I used to think like that, too, until experience, and interaction with children of these dreadful non-existent “families,” taught me otherwise.

I do not say these things to pick on or hurt anyone; but I hope some people can learn from them. Not that getting older and more experienced makes you judgmental, but that experience forces you to see things as a child might see them, and might go out and do likewise.

I’m stopping now before I have an aneurysm.


Comments

Come, Have An Aneurysm With Me! — 26 Comments

  1. I’m sick of hearing that everyone has the right to be a parent. $#*@*^)_%!!!!!! I am sick to death of this illogical reasoning. Just because you can spawn does not make you a parent.

  2. I’m sick of hearing that everyone has the right to be a parent. $#*@*^)_%!!!!!! I am sick to death of this illogical reasoning. Just because you can spawn does not make you a parent.

  3. (This isn’t really to the point, but I hope you will take it in the spirit … well, I have the impression you prefer to get your grammar and spelling right. This is an obscure point, but the proper Latin plural of ‘penis’ is ‘penes’. No, I’m not a Latin expert, but I’ve seen it in several places.

    Or did you just use the form that people are more likely to recognize? Oh, well, then I’m sorry.)

  4. (This isn’t really to the point, but I hope you will take it in the spirit … well, I have the impression you prefer to get your grammar and spelling right. This is an obscure point, but the proper Latin plural of ‘penis’ is ‘penes’. No, I’m not a Latin expert, but I’ve seen it in several places.

    Or did you just use the form that people are more likely to recognize? Oh, well, then I’m sorry.)

  5. VIVA Los “Foggies” ! Someday, those young teachers will either be old foggies or they will have quit teaching and all the crap that our students bring with them to our classrooms. Bravo for the bright lights we “old foggies” can shine on our students.

  6. VIVA Los “Foggies” ! Someday, those young teachers will either be old foggies or they will have quit teaching and all the crap that our students bring with them to our classrooms. Bravo for the bright lights we “old foggies” can shine on our students.

  7. In my area, I could tell you stories of moms and dads who are living with their children in huge houses; they have more money than sense, and are STILL not providing the structure or discipline that kids need. It is definitely not only welfare parents.Give me a low income student ANY day over some of these spoiled brats driving BMWs and texting on their Iphones.

  8. In my area, I could tell you stories of moms and dads who are living with their children in huge houses; they have more money than sense, and are STILL not providing the structure or discipline that kids need. It is definitely not only welfare parents.Give me a low income student ANY day over some of these spoiled brats driving BMWs and texting on their Iphones.

  9. I totally get what you’re saying, Mamacita. I was a teacher in a public school for a short time and definitely had my frustrations with parents. On the other hand, I was a homeschooler for years too and from that perspective I had my frustrations with schools and agendas and laws that invaded my rights and responsibilities as a parent. I began to believe that the government’s decision to make education compulsary and the subsequent compulsary removal of children from parenting for a large part of their young lives, has had a growing negative effect on child-rearing in our country. I have to wonder which came first – negligent parents in need of government institutions or government removing children from parenting and plopping them in institutions all day?

  10. I totally get what you’re saying, Mamacita. I was a teacher in a public school for a short time and definitely had my frustrations with parents. On the other hand, I was a homeschooler for years too and from that perspective I had my frustrations with schools and agendas and laws that invaded my rights and responsibilities as a parent. I began to believe that the government’s decision to make education compulsary and the subsequent compulsary removal of children from parenting for a large part of their young lives, has had a growing negative effect on child-rearing in our country. I have to wonder which came first – negligent parents in need of government institutions or government removing children from parenting and plopping them in institutions all day?

  11. Mama, I’m one of those younger teachers you referred to, with one exception. I’m TOTALLY on your side.

    I team teach at a middle school with the RSP teacher – so I have all the math IEP and 504 kids, in addition to my other kids. Everything you say, I see, every day, and you hit the nail on the head.

    Luckily, I’m blessed with a very supportive administration, so as long as it is not specifically banned in an IEP/behavior plan, I am able to provide a few boundaries for these kids. (Up to, and including kicking their rear ends out to sit in the office when they’re disruptive.) I’m also lucky enough to get some of the worst behaved ones two years in a row. (Yes, I do consider it lucky. More work for me, but they finally get some consistency in their lives.) It’s truly amazing how much they shape up when someone shows they care enough to make them toe the line.

    … Also, on a random note, I stole your peanut butter sandwich idea… I get yelled at by the janitors on occasion, when the ants find my stash, but I’ve several students, who wouldn’t have lunches b/c ‘parents’ make too much money for the free lunches, no longer going hungry. It’s worth the scoldings! (And the best part is, since I teach math, the initial presentation can be considered part of the state standards! I win!)

    – Elli

  12. Mama, I’m one of those younger teachers you referred to, with one exception. I’m TOTALLY on your side.

    I team teach at a middle school with the RSP teacher – so I have all the math IEP and 504 kids, in addition to my other kids. Everything you say, I see, every day, and you hit the nail on the head.

    Luckily, I’m blessed with a very supportive administration, so as long as it is not specifically banned in an IEP/behavior plan, I am able to provide a few boundaries for these kids. (Up to, and including kicking their rear ends out to sit in the office when they’re disruptive.) I’m also lucky enough to get some of the worst behaved ones two years in a row. (Yes, I do consider it lucky. More work for me, but they finally get some consistency in their lives.) It’s truly amazing how much they shape up when someone shows they care enough to make them toe the line.

    … Also, on a random note, I stole your peanut butter sandwich idea… I get yelled at by the janitors on occasion, when the ants find my stash, but I’ve several students, who wouldn’t have lunches b/c ‘parents’ make too much money for the free lunches, no longer going hungry. It’s worth the scoldings! (And the best part is, since I teach math, the initial presentation can be considered part of the state standards! I win!)

    – Elli

  13. Once upon a time, in an idyllic location far, far away from today, there lived a family; a father, a mother, and two sons. We watched them from afar, as day after day, they lived their lives. In today’s “post-modern” era, we are told they were archaic, patriarchal, and sexist. Whooo, did I get it all?

    Are we beginning to see that it takes more than a village to raise children? As a school bus driver, I see head start children get on the bus with soaking wet daipers, cuz the home knows the school will change them, and the school figgures the home will change them.

    Children are fed breakfast at school, and lunch…and some middle school children are given bags of food on Friday, to keep them over the week end. And we are supposed to believe that there is not enough money spent on educating our children?

    It is enough to get you a room in the cardiac care unit…

    I agree with you, Mamacita, as usual, cuz you gots yore hed screwed on strait.

  14. Once upon a time, in an idyllic location far, far away from today, there lived a family; a father, a mother, and two sons. We watched them from afar, as day after day, they lived their lives. In today’s “post-modern” era, we are told they were archaic, patriarchal, and sexist. Whooo, did I get it all?

    Are we beginning to see that it takes more than a village to raise children? As a school bus driver, I see head start children get on the bus with soaking wet daipers, cuz the home knows the school will change them, and the school figgures the home will change them.

    Children are fed breakfast at school, and lunch…and some middle school children are given bags of food on Friday, to keep them over the week end. And we are supposed to believe that there is not enough money spent on educating our children?

    It is enough to get you a room in the cardiac care unit…

    I agree with you, Mamacita, as usual, cuz you gots yore hed screwed on strait.

  15. Mama, I’ve said it once, and I’ll keep saying until I see it on the shelves at B&N: You MUST write a parenting book. It will be called YES, IT *IS* YOUR FAULT! I can help fill it by passing on actual correspondence from parents enabling their children to the point of crippling them. Someone needs to forge a path through the jungle of idiocy that’s closing in on us. Don’t limit your audience to like-minded people!

    I’ll put in an order for two dozen right now.

  16. Mama, I’ve said it once, and I’ll keep saying until I see it on the shelves at B&N: You MUST write a parenting book. It will be called YES, IT *IS* YOUR FAULT! I can help fill it by passing on actual correspondence from parents enabling their children to the point of crippling them. Someone needs to forge a path through the jungle of idiocy that’s closing in on us. Don’t limit your audience to like-minded people!

    I’ll put in an order for two dozen right now.

  17. You pretty much nailed that one, Mamacita! I get so frustrated with kids who won’t do for themselves and with admins who are terrified of parents. My question is: What will happen after a few years of no one taking responsibility? I’m afraid we’ll all be having aneurysms on a regular basis by then! BTW, don’t forget our Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. Come by and Share That Caption Love!

  18. You pretty much nailed that one, Mamacita! I get so frustrated with kids who won’t do for themselves and with admins who are terrified of parents. My question is: What will happen after a few years of no one taking responsibility? I’m afraid we’ll all be having aneurysms on a regular basis by then! BTW, don’t forget our Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. Come by and Share That Caption Love!

  19. I thought that I might see this here as well. As I said, BRAVO!!! Every child deserves a teacher who cares as much as you do.

  20. I thought that I might see this here as well. As I said, BRAVO!!! Every child deserves a teacher who cares as much as you do.

  21. I do understand what you are saying, and I have felt the same rage. I once was working as a therapist in a residential care program. I had two siblings who were off the hook, because there daddy who was their hero was the worst. I was doing family therapy, when the guy was getting visibly upset and triggered. It emerged that he was raised by the same facility….in the same house. He didn’t do better by his kids because the abuse was generational. I wonder if you will find that these same kids you grieve for now will grow up to do the same to kids of their own. I think we need to help the parents change, because otherwise it is cyclical.

  22. I do understand what you are saying, and I have felt the same rage. I once was working as a therapist in a residential care program. I had two siblings who were off the hook, because there daddy who was their hero was the worst. I was doing family therapy, when the guy was getting visibly upset and triggered. It emerged that he was raised by the same facility….in the same house. He didn’t do better by his kids because the abuse was generational. I wonder if you will find that these same kids you grieve for now will grow up to do the same to kids of their own. I think we need to help the parents change, because otherwise it is cyclical.

  23. I was just talking about this with a coworker (who also used to be a teacher), and we both agreed that the biggest problem children face these days are uncaring and unprepared parents. My best friend teaches the kids who have no parental guidance and end up in the residential program where she teaches (some are off-campus attendees, too, when the public schools decide to kick them out for good). Some of those high schoolers can’t even recite the months of the year (in any order) let alone do their normal-grade schoolwork. And I have met too many of their entitled parents in the several states I’ve lived in to think that it’s just this area or that area. Entitlement of self does nothing to help raise caring and involved children.

    Thanks for speaking up for those who can’t properly explain what they need or desire.

  24. I was just talking about this with a coworker (who also used to be a teacher), and we both agreed that the biggest problem children face these days are uncaring and unprepared parents. My best friend teaches the kids who have no parental guidance and end up in the residential program where she teaches (some are off-campus attendees, too, when the public schools decide to kick them out for good). Some of those high schoolers can’t even recite the months of the year (in any order) let alone do their normal-grade schoolwork. And I have met too many of their entitled parents in the several states I’ve lived in to think that it’s just this area or that area. Entitlement of self does nothing to help raise caring and involved children.

    Thanks for speaking up for those who can’t properly explain what they need or desire.

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