I got a lot of spams today, but I only got four different messages. People with different names sent me identical emails.

Boyer McFadden, Fabrice Mendez III, Palazzo Royale Jones, Esperanza O’Sullivan, and Monsignour Louis Nanchez all sent me the exact same message about my mortgage. They’ve all been worried because I had not responded to their earlier message about my mortgage. I think they must know each other, because they all spelled it “mergage.” And how sweet that they were so concerned about my “interst rats.”

Tinsel Tooters, Hattie Halpern, Roderiguez, Orlando Mama, Big Whoppin’ Dick, Madame Robespierre, and Thelma’s Thighs all sent me the same email, too. I really do appreciate their concern, but I do not personally have a “p:n*is:):):).,” therefore, I have no need of your “prudoct,” excellent as I’m sure it is. And yes, I am aware that it comes in “variant culurs.”

Mallie McFarland, Mallie McFarland Jr, Mallie McFarland IV, and “Mallie’s Suggar Daddy” all sent me informative spams about Viagra. I think they might all be related; that name thing is way too much of a coincidence, don’t you think? That, and the one email address.

And as for all of those invitations that said “Hi Vernon, you busy? I’m 18 and it’s my birthday; want to join me in front of my webcam?” I hate to have to break the news to you, dearie, but I ain’t Vernon, and I don’t think they make webcams with a wide-angle lens.

However, since I forwarded everything to Mallie McFarland, I’m sure you’ll get some takers.

Stupid spammers.

If I ever got one written in proper English I might even buy something. Hahaha, like THAT’S ever going to happen. Where do they GET these people?

And what’s with all the symbols? Some trick I don’t know about?

Bah. Stupid spammers.