Great Things, One Of Which Is ME!
Mamacita says: As of around 10 this morning, I am now a Great Aunt. Yes, “great” as in “awesome.” And, she said with a sigh, “great” as in “Criminy, I’m old.” My Other Sister is now a grandmother. Tumorless Sister – also a Great Aunt now – called to give me the news, and since I was already at the huge Louisville Christmas flea market, I took that opportunity to buy my new great niece a few* things. Imagine: my beautiful little niece Stephanie is now a mommy, and her mommy is a grandmommy. I’m Stephanie’s aunt, and now I’m newborn Cate’s great aunt. Mother and baby both doing well, for which I am also grateful. And, since I was over the state line, the whole experience was OUT OF STATE.
Um, that’s a joke. You see, the actual expression was “out of SIGHT!.” It’s an old hippie thing. I used to be a
hippie. Then I was an aging hippie. Now, I’m just hippy. Oh, just let it go! Heh. I mean, CRIMINY!
Old people say stuff like “criminy.” We also like to say “flabbergasted,” “mercy,” and “gee whilikers,” all of which are better than saying “%^&*,”###**%&^@!!,” or “Fucktastic” in any of its incarnations.
I also catch myself STILL saying “groovy.”** It’s, like, you know, a hard habit to break. Like crack.
Or a Snickers bar for breakfast every morning.
Oh, and since every single person on the planet seemed to be at the Burlington Coat Factory in Clarksville today, why didn’t any of you say “hello?”
This was a lovely day, actually, in spite of the fact that my Christmas tree fell down yesterday and I’ve yet to finish cleaning up the mess. Sometimes, you just need to turn your back on a mess and go to the flea market. You can always use a few new fleas.
Santa was there, checking out the etiquette and public behavior of the ten million children who were there. I’ll have to say, most of the kids were doing pretty well, two exceptions being the two little boys who were opening toys and tossing them around whilst skating on the slick floors and squealing so loudly, the pervert from Deliverance would have run screaming.
Little children, do not open the boxes in stores. Those things do not belong to you. Hands off. And, if you are unable to keep your hands off things in stores that do not belong to you, please remain inside the cart, even if you are twelve years old.
Hahaha, oh, what a picture! That Mamacita, she’s such a kidder.
Um, no.
Moving right along. . . .
It was a great day.
*ten thousand
**PROOF that once upon a time, I was cool.
Quotation Saturday
I have just this to say: An 8-foot Christmas tree, loaded with over 3,000 ornaments, makes a really big mess when it falls.
I’d planned to do many things today, but ended up doing only one. And it’s not finished yet, either.
1. A true friend never gets in your way – unless you happen to be going down. –Robert Edwards
*2. At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves. –George Orwell
3. There is no loneliness greater than the loneliness of a failure. The failure is a stranger in his own house. –Eric Hoffer
4. . . . (he) is good only for frightening fish when he falls into the water. –Zen proverb
5. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. –Emerson
6. If any young man expects without faith, without thought, without study, without patient, persevering labor, in the midst of and in spite of discouragement, to attain anything that is worth attaining, he will simply wake up, by and by, and find that he has been playing the part of a fool. –Minot Judson Savage
7. Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes. –John Dewey
8. We die as often as we lose a friend. –Pubilius Syrus
9 The wisest thing to do with a fool is to encourage him to hire a hall and discourse to his fellow citizens. Nothing chills nonsense like exposure to the air. –Woodrow Wilson
10. There is no such thing as a plain face. –David Levine
11. We are all largely fictitious, even to ourselves. –Raynes Heppenstall
12. One should never place confidence in the future – it doesn’t deserve it. –Paul Chamson
13. Nothing is so awesomely unfamiliar as the familiar that discloses itself at the end of a journey. –Cynthia Ozick
14. Don’t place too much confidence in a man who boasts of being as honest as the day is long. Wait until you meet him at night. –Bob Edwards
15. Where everything is bad it must be good to know the worst. –Francis Herbert Bradley
16. A man’s true wealth is the good he does in this world to his fellow man. When he dies, people will say, “What property has he left behind him?” but the angels will ask, “What good deeds has he sent before him?” –Mohammed
17. The things that come to the man who waits are seldom the things he waited for. –Bob Edwards
18. Choose rather to want less, than to have more. –Thomas ‘a Kempis
19. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. –Anon.
20. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig. –Anon.
21. I can’t write a book commensurate with Shakespeare, but I can write a book by me. –Sir Walter Raleigh
22. Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself – it is the occurring which is difficult. –Stephen Leacock
23. Wit consists in knowing the resemblance of things that differ, and the difference of things that are alike. –Madame de Stahl
24. Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousands things that won’t work. –Edison
25. Character is what one really is; reputation what others believe him to be. –Henry Ward Beecher
26. It will cost something to be religious; it will cost more to be not so. –John Mitchell Mason
27. A happy life is one spent in earning, learning, and yearning. –Lillian Gish
28. . . . thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. . . . –Thomas Gray
29. One has only to grow older to become more tolerant. I see no wrong that I might not have committed myself. –Goethe
30. What you will do matters. All you need is to do. –Judy Grahn
31. Begin to be now what you will be hereafter. –Jerome
32. Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. –Martin Luther
33. The heart has reasons that reason does not understand. –Jacques Benigne Bossuet
34. Borrowed thoughts, like borrowed money, only show the poverty of the borrower. –Marguerite Gardner
35. Borrowing, like scratching, helps only for a little while. –Sam Levinson’s Mother
36. . . . for Time is the longest distance between two places. . . . –Tennessee Williams
37. The crown of all faculties is common sense. It is not enough to do the right thing; it must be done at the right time and place. Talent knows what to do; tact knows when and how to do it. –William Matthews
38. The best way out is always through. –Robert Frost
**39. Truth is rarely pure, and never simple. –Oscar Wilde
40. Time is a fixed income, and, as with any income, the real problem facing most of us is how to live successfully within our daily allotment. –Margaret B. Johnstone
41. Truth hurts. Not the running after; the running from. –Unknown
42. Time flies and draws us with it. The moment in which I am speaking is already far from me. –Nicolas Boileau-Despreaux
43. Feeling does not become stronger in the religious life by waiting, but by using it. –Henry Ward Beecher
44. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. . . it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. –C.S. Lewis
45. Man’s faith, instead of always remaining the great creative factor, sometimes betrays him into the impasse of stubborn, sterile dogmatism. –Michael John Demiashkevich
46. Let the farmer forevermore be honored in his calling, for they who labor in the earth are the chosen people of God. –Thomas Jefferson
47. The stupid you have always with you. — Thoreau
48. I have never yet seen or heard anything serious that was not ridiculous. –Horace Walpole
49. A writer is unfair to himself when he is unable to be hard on himself. –Marianne Moore
50. Where there is yet shame, there may in time be virtue. –Samuel Johnson
* Dear heaven, I hope not!
** This one’s for you, Miguel.
Now, back to the mess. I’d try to make a joke about sifting tiny fingers and feet out of the piles, comparing it to an explosion or plane crash or something, but it would be in bad taste. Besides, I don’t have the energy for another PC war.
Oh good, there’s that little hand I’ve been looking for. . . .
Podcast Tonight: Christmas Poetry Jam! And Any Other Holiday You Want!
Mamacita says: The incomparable Fausta has invited me to read poetry with her on her podcast Friday, Dec. 12 at 7:00!
Poetry Jam!
Please tune in and call in with a poem or two to share. The call-in number is:
(646) 652-2639
Any kind of poetry is great, but if you have a poem or essay or very short story about your own December celebration, whatever it might be, that’s even more awesome!
Here’s the Christmas Poetry Slam podcast link again.
Y’all stop by, please.






