Well, Hey, I had stuff to do.
It’s been a long day.
It was pitch dark and raining when I left the house this morning. The highway is still under construction so it took me an hour to drive thirty miles. When I got to the college, the vending snack truck was parked in my parking space.
My morning classes meet in a computer lab. This is usually a very good thing; this is a writing class and we, uh, write with them.
That is, we write with them when the teacher says it’s time to write with them.
My 8:00 a.m. class, at 8:15:
Me: Susan, exit out of your computer and join the class, please.
Susan: I can hear you from here.
Me: Exit out of your computer and join the rest of the class, please.
Susan: How do you expect me to get this paper done?
Me: It’s too late to turn today’s paper in. You’ve had a full week.
Susan: Well, hey, I had stuff to do. Do you want it or not?
Me: Not any more. Exit out of your computer and join the rest of the class, please.
Susan: You say you want our papers on time but you won’t let us do them!
Me: Exit out of your computer and join the rest of the class, please.
Susan: Hey, I had stuff to DO. I’m almost done. Do you got a stapler? Do I need a title page? Should this be double or single-spaced? Does the title gots to be capitalized? We din’nit need no footnotes, right? I’m almost done. Everybody just hold on.
Me: No. Exit out of your computer and join the rest of the class, NOW. Okay, class, now that we’ve reviewed a little, let’s have the quiz.
Susan: What quiz? Are we having a quiz? You never said nothing about a quiz. That’s not fair, them practicing and me not getting to. I’m almost done. Hold on. No fair! Blah blah blah blah blah poor pitiful me blah blah no fair blah blah here’s my paper.
Me: I think I hear a mosquito buzzing. Where’s a rolled-up newspaper when you really need one? Oh, I’ll just use this piece of scrap paper here on my desk.
Class: WAY TO GO!!!!!! (applause)
Susan: No fair!
Class: Oh, grow up, freak.
Susan bursts into tears and runs out of the room. Everybody is happy to see her go. I give all the students who showed up for class today and turned in their papers on time ten bonus points. I let them use the book during the quiz.
There were eight students absent in my first class, plus Susan who was worse than absent. In my second class, there were five absent students. There is NO make-up work the second half of the semester. All of those students will be shocked when their average is low, and they will all ask for extra credit or make-up work. They will get neither.
A couple of them will have their mothers call me at home. Under federal law, I am unable to give their mothers any information whatsoever. Heh, smirk, losers.
Because, you know, they’re supposed to turn their papers in on time but I never let them work on them.
My afternoon class, bless their hearts, were their usual friendly, hardworking, cooperative selves, and every single one of them was in class. I might bring them doughnuts next week if I have any money.
I did smooth out Susan’s paper, and I did read it. She gets a zero, but I did read it. It sucked.
The topic was “Education,” and she wrote about a movie she saw on Lifetime last night.
Sometimes I feel very ineffectual.
I also lied about the mosquito. I wish there had really been one, though, because a squashed bug in the middle of a bloody splotch would have been the only interesting thing about that paper.
It might even have covered up some of the misspelled words.
I think I need to go to bed. I’m foul, and I’m getting fouler by the minute.
Mostly, though, I think I feel very, very ineffectual. I don’t like it.
The Aftermath. Not as much fun as the Beforemath or the Duringmath, but I've used that theme before.
Everybody’s gone now and I’m lonely. It’s way too quiet and I don’t do well with silence. I like life best when it’s full of music and people. (Unless I’m in a mood that requires solitude.) (It all boils down to the fact that I want what I want when I want it.) (You can’t do that till your kids grow up and move out.) (I want YOUR life, wahhhhhh.)
I like my house better when it’s full of people. What good are sofas and big tables if they aren’t covered with people? This is the aftermath of last night. The duringmath was the best part.
There was a lot of laughter in this house last night, and it lasted up past the wee sma’s. I loved every minute of it. Such nice people on that sofa and around that table!!!
Now, all the dishes are clean and back in the cupboard and there are a few leftovers in the refrigerator, but there are new pictures on Flickr and some memories of a really great night in my head. To look around the house, it’s hard to tell that only a few hours ago, this place was jumping.
Eventually, I’ll clean all the cooking stains off the stove and out of the oven, but honestly? I like seeing them there and thinking about the fun of preparing and planning and then actually HAVING people over. I am also very lazy and cleaning a stove if one of my least favorite activities.
It’s not unlike preparing and planning and then actually HAVING a baby, except that after you have a party, it’s over, and after you have a baby, you still have it, and the party’s over.
And another one begins, and it has a LOT of acts.
Or something like that.
Speaking of babies, mine are coming home later today to use our computers, which means we can’t, which means that maybe my essays and quizzes will actually be graded this afternoon.
Or maybe it means I’ll start with Season One of MASH again, and have myself some leftovers while I’m watching.
Or maybe I’ll do both. I’m a woman; we’re versatile that way.
I'm not a cannibal, but I'm having some people for dinner tomorrow night.
I’m having people over for dinner tomorrow night, and I want everything to be just right.
That is why I’m on a cleaning binge. By this, I mean that I have run the sweeper and will probably do it again in the morning. It also means that I have gathered up all the textbooks and staplers and stacks of essays and quizzes that normally live on the east side of the dining room table, and moved them into the master bedroom where I will add them to the stacks of clutter I moved in there the last time we had company.
I will then clear the past year’s worth of junk mail off the big bar and throw it all away without so much as a backward glance at it. I will hide the large can of vegetable shortening under the sink, as it will not fit into any of the pantry shelves where actual food is kept.
Since all the potatoes in the house are now cooking atop my stove as I type, I will move the boxes of crackers from the top of the pantry cabinet where they block the little tin Victorian boxes that look like stores, into the bin where the potatoes usually live, when we have potatoes. Which we don’t, as of tonight. Uncooked, that is. The little Tin Victorian boxes came free with a proof-of-purchase of Nestle Chocolate Chips, back when you didn’t have to send postage along with it. Those were the days.
Then I will fit already-used-several-times tall pre-dripped candles into three Oliver Winery bottles and make a centerpiece out of it.
I will also clean the toilet in the big bathroom, and pick up all the “Stone Soup” books that are all over the floor in there. Oh, and I’ll put out some two-ply toilet paper bathroom tissue.
When the potatoes are done, I will drain them and add white sauce wherein I have melted all the tag ends of cheese in the house. My “old rotten potatoes” never taste the same way twice, but they are usually pretty good. Then I’ll clear out all those expired yogurt cartons from the refrigerator and put the casserole in there ’till tomorrow.
In the morning, I’ll slice the pork tenderloin into little round coins and put them in the crockpot with some onions and a bottle of BBQ sauce.
Around four, I’ll start the green beans. This is southern Indiana, and we like them borderline mushy and rank with bacon.
Once those are on, I’ll mix up the bread dough. An hour later, I’ll make it into rolls. At 5:45, I’ll put them in the oven. By the time the first payload of guests get here, round one of our dinner will be ready.
Since not everyone can be here at the same time, I’ll put another batch of rolls in the oven around 8:00.
The two pies are in the oven right now.
Oh, and I need to root around in the linen closet and find my pretty cloth napkins.
I do so love to have company for dinner. I love the preparation and the fun and all of it.
By the way, I use cloth napkins for company because when we don’t have company, I use paper towels from Big Lots, but a company dinner requires too many paper towels, and too many paper towels makes for more bagged trash. We live out in the country, and we have to take our bagged trash to the landfill ourselves. It’s easier just to use cloth, and throw them in the laundry later I am elegant by nature.
Everyone who is coming over tomorrow night is a blogger, so if you’re anywhere in the neighborhood, please come on over for dinner. There will be plenty, and I’d love to see you.
I’m serious. Email me and I’ll give you directions to the house.
