I Wish I Were Joking Wif U
Wait, wait, it gets better even worse!
“Looking at this picture makes me think that why bother with circumscribing their women if nobody knows what they look like anyway? What I mean, is, which is which? Who knows? They could take the wrong one home, not knowing which face is under there. It surely happens a lot, how couldn’t it? What they feel is nothing to their men, and that’s got to hurt, in the sand and all, and why be cruel when there is no logical reason for it, with dirty tools and knives and sometimes taken totally by surprise, what with the war and other things being more important not to mention timely, whatever one’s reasoning is. In summary, it’s not medical, nor clean, nor a good reason to do so, unless you just like to hear the screaming because of your mean streaking ways, or hating the president or Hilary, or being too conservative to like sex. Why can’t we all just be nice to each other? Support our troops!”
A Tale of Two Essays
I used to think that no essay would EVER beat this one from a year or so ago:
“Lincoln was a tall man, much in the way that Andre the Giant was also tall, and with the same sideways heart and thick bones that made Andre the Giant look so much like a giant, and made Lincoln look like a guy who shouldn’t have been photographed wearing that tall hat which made him look even taller, kinda like a chef only the wrong color, which for the times of his life, were taller even than if he lived today, in which case the hat wouldn’t be a problem because it wouldn’t exist, and some think and I might agree that he grew that beard because a little girl told him to because the more of that face that was covered up, the better, and you know it’s bad if a little kid can’t stand it, and we all know which one was took out by a southerner with three names, just like the guy who blew Teddy Kennedy’s brain to pieces in the middle of the parade, and which one was killed by a crazy actor leaping from the stage onto the balcony to climax the scene with something not exactly in the script but which would read DEATH all in red caps if it was, and Andre the Giant has a small and dainty wife which must have made their personal lifes interesting to say the least, and Lincoln’s wife was a spendthrift nutter, but at least Andrew the Giant got to drop dead naturally instead of be took out by ham actors with guns or book salesmen, but the Morphine Syndrome which made them both so tall and thickboned also caused their death before their old age began, and pretty much ended both the Civil War and any chance of a Princess Bride sequel.”
. . . but I was wrong.
“After watching the movie sos I could really get it, and reading the book, although in all sincerness it was the Classic Junior Comic of my youth, which I cherish, not the novelle since I haven’t got all day to bake a cake with you, (sorry, my parental rights come before a book because being a good example is more important than being seen reading or watching a non-barney substance for my own benefit or pleasure or a good grade) I have concluded that being a comic and thereofe much shorter than a book with hard covers still gives no rights for leaving out important people who have a part in the story, such as the girl with short hair who could shoot, and Moochie. I find follity logic in this paper version because it left out so much that was in the movie! I think in my opinion since the question begged me that the tree house was the best part of the story, and I would love to have one, for I would make my bed in the tower and paint the walls green but have real plumbing with shower and high speed internet in it. I find the book version lacking for it left out the treehouse and the girl and that Tarzan game they played by the waterfalls. Also, many of the words were long and hard to understand, since I was ever in a hurry that week and coulndt’ stop to use the dictionary all the time like usual when I read the paper, for example, or the instructions on the back of No-Bake Cheesecake by Jello. I also wondered things like where the hell are all the pirates? To answer the question in only a few words I would have to say, the movie was better because it had them riding ostriches and rolling logs down a hill to crush people, where in the book there was nothing cool like that.”
Can we put it to a vote?
A Tale of Six Students
You’re 32 years old. For heaven’s sake, go blow your nose; you’re disturbing the whole class. You can blow your nose on the toilet paper. Yes, really.
The class lasts for three hours. We take a short break in the middle. You’re not supposed to gather your things and go home then. We’re ALL tired. Also, we had two quizzes after you left. You’ll ask me when you can make them up, and I will say, “Never.”
Midterms are next week. You’re so far behind, nothing can help you now. I’d feel bad for you if you had a viable excuse for missing so much. As things stand, you’re so far behind, nothing can help you now.
The rest of us had a good evening.
You’ve got two toddlers, a broken leg, and a full-time job. You’ve never missed a class, you’ve done well on all the quizzes, your first essay was outstanding, your insight is wonderful, and your class participation is excellent. Thank you for being in my class.
When you knew that most of the objects in the night sky were named for ancient Roman gods and goddesses and heroes, you made me very happy. When you explained to the class why stars twinkle and planets don’t, I almost jumped up on the table and tap-danced in sheer blissful delight. How fortunate for you and the class that I’m far too fat to jump.
You’re in and out of rehab, you’re wearing a house arrest band around your ankle, CPS took your baby away, your arms are covered with track marks, your speech is interspersed with profanity, but after reading your first two essays, I think you’re going to make it. Keep on. And then keep on some more. You can do it.
Yes, the rest of us had a good evening. I love this class.
