I've Done The Time Warp; Thanks For Asking, Though
Please remember that I am a sedate and typical old woman, and the following information may or may not be true. Probably it’s not, because sedate and typical old women never do such things, and are in fact appalled at the very notion.
It’s coming up Halloween, which means many things, one of which is that I have a giant bowl of Tootsie Roll Pops on my coffee table, and another which is that I am once again compelled to obsess over “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” I’d put the image here, but Blogger is being all poopy and won’t let me; I’ll try again later because I know you all want desperately to see a picture of Tim Curry in drag. Well, I do, anyway. Like many of us, he used to be really hot. 
If only there were some way I could link to a picture. (Don’t look if you’re all prudey and pruney; fair warning.)
Years ago I might have participated in the midnight audience participation showings (plural) rumored to be held every Saturday night for several years, never missing a single one, but I’ve slept since then, not to mention the addition of about 80 pounds.
In short, the domestic’s costume no longer fits, in more ways than one.
I may have used decks of cards as frisbees; I really can’t remember that far back.
It might also be true that, long ago, I used to teach my study hall students to do the Time Warp, but then again, unless you were there, you’ll never know.
Memorize the entire movie? My goodness, that would be ridiculous for a woman my age! Why, I’m almost hyperventilating at the very thought! It’s not easy having a good time! Even smiling makes my face ache!
Rumors that I have a membership card in my wallet may or may not be true. I’m old; why would I do that, now really? And why would I own one of the few copies of the soundtrack from Shock Treatment? Or a Richard O’Brien cd?
And, I’m really glad that whoever-was-responsible-for-such-things finally wised up and put “Superheroes” back in the movie. I love that song. I couldn’t find the actual video of it, but this is singing by Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick, from the movie, even if it’s not the movie itself.
And for you Star Trek fans out there, I’ve included a second video, proving that you can’t escape from the Time Warp, even in outer space. I might add, one would probably be even more apt to encounter a time warp in outer space. Well, it seems logical to me.
Enjoy.
Ramble Ramble Ramble
First of all, I love this entire series of books more than words could ever express. I know them all by heart. One of my first memories is of my mother reading aloud to me the first chapter of Little House in the Big Woods, and falling in love with the words, the style, the personalities, and every single thing the author, who is also the main character, had to say. When I realized, years later, that what my mother was reading to me was an excerpt from one of her own 1938 lower elementary school readers, it was the beginning of my prediction that school would be wonderful, and that every day I’d get to experience more excerpts from more and more books, so I could begin making lists of actual books to get from the public library. (this same book also had excerpts from Les Miserables and Peter Pan, and if you think the novel Peter Pan was written entirely for children, you’ve obviously been misled by those dreadful Disney versions!) (And yes, young children CAN understand and love real books with big words, if they’re exposed to them) Because Mom read interesting stories to me, I fell in love with books and couldn’t WAIT to learn to read. Actually, I don’t remember how I learned to read; I do remember, however, PRETENDING to read. I also remember the day I was pretending to read a real book and suddenly, I realized that I could. It was an unabridged Heidi.
To this day I adore Heidi, and I abhor any and all abridgements. Read it as the author intended, or not at all. Oh, okay, read it in any version you wish, but the unabridged versions are the best.
Then, finally, I went to school, and from the first day I was disappointed. Everything was geared for (if you’ll excuse the expression) dumb kids! My first school readers were real downers: short and boring, with limited vocabulary, with large print (which made me feel condescended to) and with stupid storylines about boring children named Tom and Betty and Susan and their equally boring dog, Flip. Where was Jean Valjean, and Captain Hook, and Laura Ingalls making butter with a churn? Where was Heidi, and Rebecca Randall, and Tom Sawyer? Where was the good stuff Mom had in her day? Gone, gone, gone, thanks to “educators” who think small children benefit by prescribed vocabulary and simple little stories that mean nothing. It’s too bad that modern primary readers contain nothing remotely interesting and are, in fact, one of many reasons children today hate to read: schools give them nothing worth reading.
When Michael Landon, he who reveled in spawning families and then deserting them, became known as Pa Ingalls instead of Little Joe Cartwright, millions of people were misled into believing that the TV versions of Laura’s books were what actually happened.
The truth is, those TV episodes were MISrepresentations of those beautiful books. I hated that TV show for its lies and its inaccuracies and its complete disregard for the truth. Yes, I understand that TV writers who have no love for the original books and actors who think they’re God wield power and generally get their own way, and people who have no knowledge of the books will be suckered into believing the storylines of the TV show. I hate that, too. I also hated the fact that Michael Landon is still believed to be the Perfect Father by people who know nothing of his real life. His abandoned wives and children tell a somewhat different story.
Why am I venting about this? I don’t know; I got sidetracked, as usual.
Oh yes. This morning afternoon, I was awakened by the sound of raindrops on the roof, after a summer of drought. It reminded me of that scene in Little House on the Prairie where Laura was awakened by the sound of raindrops on the roof; she hadn’t heard any for a long time because they’d been living in a soddie.
And then I started to ramble.
"Draco and Harry hugged the manly hug. . . ."
From my beautiful daughter Belle comes an email containing a link that leads to more examples of actual writing from actual people.
I am not acquainted with the Daily_Sporfle, the blogger who compiled this collection, but I will have to say that I thank her from the bottom of my heart for putting all these quotes together: There are “writers” out there who are worse than the ones who are making my brain turn inside each week.
I already knew that, of course, because I’ve been known to hang out on FanFiction.
Rumor has it that I might even have an account there, but you can’t believe everything you hear.
I’m not putting down the FanFiction writers, mind you; I’m only putting down the ones who suck. *
*”Don’t say ‘suck,’ students.”
