My Alma Mater Loves Money

The rotary phone of my youth!

The rotary phone of my youth!

Mamacita says: At least once a week, I get a phone call from my alma mater’s alumni association asking for money. I got another one tonight.  Don’t calls like this fall into the “Do Not Call” category?  Apparently not.

Hark, they need money.  I’m so surprised.

Hi, my name is Muffy McFreshman, and I’m calling from YOUR ALUMNI ASSOCIATION!  How are you this evening?  I wonder if this rain will ever stop, don’t you?  Golly, the golf course was nearly deserted this afternoon, and nobody at all was in the club pool.  Now, we know you’ve been out there for a while, making a lot of money, thanks to the degree this university gave you all those years ago, and don’t you think it’s time to give some of it back?  I’d love to take your contribution tonight!  Don’t you think $1,000 would be a nice beginning?  You can always raise that amount, if you like!  That’s a lovely beginning though, don’t you think?

I do, Muffy.  I honestly do.  When may I expect your check?  My mortgage is due in a few days.

What’s that?  You were asking ME to send YOU that amount?  I’m sorry, but I couldn’t raise that amount if you gave me a year in which to try.

My parents sent four kids to this university, and among of we have several graduate degrees and a doctorate.  I sent my daughter to this university, and she put herself through graduate school.  Now she’s putting herself through a post-doctorate program.  My son would like to attend your university, but we can’t afford it and neither can he, so he’s biding his time getting a series of degrees from a community college until he can afford to transfer the credits and go to your college.

I think your university has enough of this family’s money.

Also, your Alumni Magazine is boring.  I read it when it comes because I read everything that crosses my path, but really, you’re hurting your cause by printing all those articles about rich alumni, golf, cruises, and foreign exchange students who fall in love with America and intend to stay here forever because they’ve found such high-paying careers here.  All that is nice, but it doesn’t have anything to do with me.  I can’t relate to people who have enough money to cover their billls, let alone live in luxury.

Now, if you had articles about how to pay your bills when even a graduate degree isn’t bringing in enough money to cover the mortgage, that would be helpful.

IU alumni

It might also be easier to believe the Alumni Association needs money if I hadn’t seen that huge, gorgeous building they’ve built for themselves.  That thing is enormous, and it really is beautiful.  Those windows!  All that lovely stone!  The carvings!  You should be really proud of that building.

P.S.  You can buy your own darn carpet and wall art for the inside.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *