Mamacita says: Back when I taught sixth grade – and y’all will find this hard to believe – there were times when it was really difficult to get those kids to follow even the simplest of directions. Verbal directions. . . written directions. . . it didn’t much matter because so many of them were off in LaLa Land thinking about Harry Potter and basketball and hormones and revenge and retrospection and napping (just like we do, actually) that following the directions some old broad gave them just wasn’t all that important.
Being me, I wanted to teach them a valuable lesson, so I constructed this little beauty:
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TEST: Following Directions – Must be filled out in ink. Use a PEN, not a pencil. If you do not have a pen, come and get one from the basket on my desk. PEN, not pencil. INK PEN.
Do not mark on this paper until you have read it through to the very end. Not a single mark until you’ve read it all. NO MARKS until you’ve read it all. You have been warned, so no whining later. Again, DO NOT MARK ON THIS PAPER UNTIL YOU HAVE READ IT THROUGH TO THE VERY END!!! If you do not understand these directions, please raise your hand NOW.
One more time: Do not mark on this paper until you have read it through to the end.
Okay, you may begin: Enjoy!
1. What is your name? __________________________
2. Which kind of small school reward do you prefer: candy or pencil? ______________
3. What is your favorite color? ______________________
4. What color are your eyes? _______________________
5. Do you like to ride a bike? (yes or no) ________
6. What is your favorite meal of all time?
7. Do you have a pet? If so, what is its name? If not, would you like to have one?
8. What is your favorite part of school?
9. What is the best cafeteria food item here?
10. Do you daydream a lot when you should be working?
11. What part of the school day do you like least?
12. Now, go back to numbers 1 and 2, and answer them. Leave the rest of this paper blank. If you followed the directions, come to the front of the room and choose your reward. If you did not follow the directions, too bad. Next time, maybe you will.
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I had a lot of angry 6th graders that day. That night, I had a lot of angry phone calls. My big question was, why? I think those directions were more than clear, and the kids who disregarded them should not have had any kind of viable complaint. I considered sixth graders to be plenty mature enough to read and follow simple directions.
After that day, however, I will have to say that MOST of the time, MOST of the students read the directions very carefully, and discovered any tricks and traps in time to not fall into them, yes, even when their mean crabby teacher hid changes in the middle of the test.
I did not want any of my children to be the kind of adults who are taken in by craftily-worded instructions on real-life papers. No insurance salesman or used-car salesman or doctor or lawyer or repairman or hospital or lawn-care company would be able to fool any of MY students, by golly.
Sigh.
And yet, I had to promise never to do such a thing again, and I had to give EVERY student something out of the rewards drawer the next day, because I’d injured their self-esteem so badly.
When the genuinely winning students asked me why, I had no answer. I still don’t. I told them that someone had complained, and I’d been ordered to pay up. A few of the students laughed. Most of them did not. It might be easy to fool some adults, but our kids are a lot smarter than that. They know who earned a reward and who did not.
If anyone can tell me why administration would cave like that to the complaints of a handful of parents of students who didn’t follow the directions that day, I’d love to hear your reasoning.
Me, I’ve got nothing.