Things I Haven't Done YetMamacita says:  I’m really not a very cool or adventurous person, and many of the things I’ve never done are done every day by most people.  I get that “raised eyebrow oh really” face from others, a lot.  Sigh.

1.  I’ve never used an ATM machine.  That’s always good for some “oh really” expressions.

2.  I have never watched a survivor reality show, and have no desire to.  Maybe if there was a real reality show, where people had to SURVIVE with only the skills they already knew, I’d be interested, but most of the survivor-type reality shows are more like frat inductions and freshman hazings than anything to do with actual survival.  If people honestly wanted a true survivor saga, drop some businesspeople down in a public middle school for a few weeks. THAT’S survival, my friends.

3.  I still haven’t ever watched Oprah.  Still not interested, either.

4.  Still haven’t lost that last fifty pounds.  My penchant for popsicles on these muggy days isn’t helping.

5.  Summer session starts Monday, and I still haven’t gathered all my syllabi and tests together.

6.  After years of searching, I finally found the Wonderworks version of A Little Princess in DVD format, but I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.  It’s the only version of A Little Princess that’s faithful to the book, and when a movie is NOT faithful to the book, I have no use for it.  But the Wonderworks version is absolutely wonderful in every way.  Besides, Professor Sprout is in it, so you KNOW it’s going to be good.  I love this book so much, I named my daughter after the main character.  And that’s why there is no “h” at the end of her name.  Don’t waste your time or money on any of the more recent remakes of this book, or on the equally bad really old versions.  The Wonderworks version is the best one.  In fact, Wonderworks versions of everything are the best ones.

7.  I’m going to WordCamp in Chicago this weekend, and I haven’t done any laundry since getting home from Idaho the other day.  Conclusion:  Unless I intend to be either naked or smelly in Chicago, I’d better throw a few loads in before I go to bed tonight.

8.  I priced a commuter flight from Indianapolis to Chicago and it was over two hundred dollars.  In fact, it cost more than my ticket to San Francisco last summer!  Ridiculous.  So, I looked up Amtrak prices, and for less than fifty bucks, I’m taking the train, round-trip, to Chicago on Friday!  I’ve never taken a real train anywhere.  I can’t wait!

9.  I am covered from head to toe and everywhere in between with mosquito bites.  I have never itched so badly in my life.  Plus, I look like I’ve been in a paintball fight.

10.  Speaking of reality shows, I am so not interested in Jon and Kate or any of their 8.  The intensity of my non-interest is so great that when people invariably try to talk to me about that sad dysfunctional family, I have to turn and walk away lest I say something dreadful, such as the fact that I consider them a sad, dysfunctional family.  What they say or do is none of my business, nor is it any of yours, and perhaps my distaste would be made clearer in the words of my idol,  Dr. Perry Cox, who would perhaps put my feelings about Jon and Kate and all of their 8 in words something like these:

Except, of course, that I think Hugh Jackman is hot beyond all existing words.

I am Mamacita. Accept no substitutes!

Hitting the fan like no one else can...

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Scheiss Weekly by Jane Goodwin (Mamacita) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.