1. If you bring a lot of little children to a restaurant, and all of them are behaving beautifully except for one, and that one is in a frenzy of determination to rattle the boat and keeps pinching and bothering the other children until they’re in tears, the stinker should be removed BEFORE he ruins the evening for everyone, and convinced in whatever way it takes, to NEVER BEHAVE LIKE THAT AGAIN. Then the victims should be rewarded with something extraordinarily awesome which they get to eat, play with, whatever, in the face of the stinker, who gets nothing except a parental “look” that reminds him that he’s lucky to get to eat at all after acting like a jerk in public. The parents should then stop for ice cream on the way home, and everybody gets one except the brat. Amen.
2. If you stink, please take the stairs. Smokers, you all stink. Please stay out of the elevator. The universe thanks you in advance. My eyes are still watering after HOURS.
3. If you weigh a good 400 pounds, and you are enthusiastically licking an ice cream cone in each hand, expect a few amazed stares.
4. If your class hasn’t met in two weeks because of the blizzards, and you had a paper due that first missed day, there really isn’t any excuse for not having it today. There never is, but especially after two weeks off.
5. You’ve got to have a dream; if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?
I’m listening to South Pacific, and I’m so tired I could just break down and sob right here. But if I give up, how I gonna have a dream come true?