Dear Sears,

If you ever call me again at 7:45 in the morning, so help me I will get in my car in my hideous pajamas, drive to your pathetic never-any-cars-in-your-parking lot- store and burn it down write “Loser” on your windows with soap.

Love, Mamacita

P.S. It will be spelled correctly, too, which is certainly more than I can say for those three words on your last statement.

P.P.S. Key word up there: Last.