Mamacita says: We whine when it’s cold outside and we whine when it’s hot outside. Are we never satisfied with the weather? Apparently not. Weather being something we have no control whatsoever over, many of us react by complaining, even though complaining, this time, accomplishes exactly. . . . nothing. We complain anyway.
I don’t actually mind the hot weather all that much. I work indoors most of the time, and do my outdoor prowling in the cat’s light. The sun is my enemy, and after many years of refusing to believe it and offering myself to the great Sol’s UV rays as some kind of baby oil-and-mercurochrome-glazed sacrifice, I have finally given up all thought and hope of any kind of tan and have become accustomed to being a glow-in-the-dark walking definition of white. How white? Let me just advise you to put on your sunglasses lest my legs blind you. Now, just a few minutes in the sun will poison my skin and make it bubble and bleed, so I take caution seriously in my old age … middle age . . . second childhood . . . current chronological position.
Besides, as you who know me at all know full well, I am seldom without a Diet Coke in my hand, and with a Diet Coke in my hand I am never completely uncomfortable. With a Diet Coke in my hand I am also nicer and more patient, as any student who’s been in one of my classes these past nine years can attest. Students have been known to bring me Diet Coke when they see me without one. They know that the only reason I would stand before them without a Diet Coke would be lack of money, and while I say things like “I’m nicer with Diet Coke,” etc., in complete sincerity jest, still the Diet Cokes arrive, and the professor smiles again. Who needs apples when there are Diet Cokes to be found? Besides, why would I want to keep the Doctor away? I live for the day the Doctor TAKES me away.
I’m sure this has something to do with a fantasy life which is by leaps and bounds inappropriate for a woman of my age position, added to a severe caffeine addiction, but I prefer to think of it as product placement. Some day, the Diet Coke people will discover me and pay me the big bucks to keep doing what I am already doing – working with a Diet Coke in hand. And the Doctor will come for me. But I digress.
Hot weather. Yes. It ain’t botherin’ me none tonight. Guess why.