Mamacita says: Many of you will not like this post, and for that, I’m sorry. Then again, actually, I’m not sorry, because I believe I am right. I welcome anyone’s counter-argument, but if your intention is to enlighten me and change my mind, dream on good luck.
I love airports, and I love riding on airplanes. Or, would that be riding IN airplanes? See, students, prepositions are quite important. If I were to ride on an airplane, I’d be in all the papers under the headline “Nutter Straddles Boeing 747” or some such. Or, would that be, I’d be WITH the headline, or ACCOMPANIED BY the headline. . . . PREPOSITIONS, people!
I love meeting people. I’ve met the nicest people on planes, in fact. I love it when they turn to me and strike up a conversation, or just smile and mind their own business. I firmly believe that most people are good people: kind, fair, considerate, and eager to help others. I also firmly believe that all people have a right to what they pay for, and NO right to what someone else has paid for, without prior permission from the person who paid.
The thing is, when I saw this woman shuffling down the aisle – or perhaps UP the aisle, or through the aisle (take your pick) I knew exactly where she was going to sit. Right. By. Me.
Beside me. Near me. Attached to me. Glued to me. Pressed against me. Melting against me like a caramel in the sun. A really, really big, sweaty caramel.
I have never cared for political correctness. I think it cheapens and weakens the language, and turns situations that fully earn the attention deserved by idiocy and selfishness into something that believes it merits sympathy, and catering to, rather than derision, or possibly (shudder, and what were you THINKING!) common sense.
So here it is, and bring it on. This is not a new issue; people have been debating it for a long time. Where do I stand? Right here.
Perhaps it is time for airlines to sell their space according to the amount of space each passenger will need. Not weight, although I know they used to in the beginning, and maybe it was wiser than the “equality” of now, with all seats the same size and price; I think airlines should sell the space by measurement.
Perhaps there should be a row of different-sized seats at the ticket booth, and a description of such including measurements, on the internet, and people could “try on” the seats, and the passenger will pay for whichever size suits his/her, well, ass. Or needs. Small ass, small price. Huge ass, huge price.
Parents with small children could purchase an extra-large space to accommodate their children and “things.” People who want to work while flying could purchase an extra- large space. People who just plain don’t want other people’s elbows touching theirs could purchase a large space. And – here it is – large people could purchase an extra-large space so they don’t trespass on someone else’s paid-for space.
Small people with no accouterments could purchase a small space.
Average people could purchase an average-sized space.
All passengers would be required to stow only ONE piece of whatever above his/her own rented space. In other words, the space over one’s seat belongs only to the person in that seat. Nobody has a right to space above anybody else’s seat. (I hate it when I try to stow my one bag above my seat and discover that someone from the back of the plane took my space. USE YOUR OWN SPACE. )
And if you weigh 395 pounds and your right buttock and side-boob cover more than half of the body next to you, you should be required to pay for the space you are covering, and the crushed person should get a discount. So much money per square inch of ass, for example. If you are over or under-sized, why can’t you inform the airline of this fact BEFORE entering a plane that’s at capacity? And why should anybody have to share paid-for space with someone else who didn’t pay for that space? Kevin Smith, indeed. And he wasn’t as large as my seatmate’s right arm alone.
This woman, today, reached over and pushed up the armrests, and somehow sidled herself into the middle seat. When she sat, only her buttcrack well, what else could one call it? was in her own paid-for space; one buttock was in my lap and the other was in the lap of the man on her left. Her body pushed me against the wall and window so hard, my cheek was smashed against the glass. Her side-boob and upper arm covered over half my body, and on her other side, the body of the man by the aisle. The two of us were unrecognizable; I was mashed against the wall and window, and the man was mashed and pushed almost into the aisle. My left arm was underneath her and I had to leave it there because the only other place for it was on top of her boobs.
Milk of human kindness, etc. etc. blah blah blah. She was trespassing into spaces that weren’t hers. She should have been required to buy three tickets.
Am I being unreasonable? I don’t think I am. However, I think she was.
Please don’t beseige me with “wah wah wah” because I don’t care to hear it unless you’ve got a better argument than “self esteem. ” People should be required to pay for the space they take over, on an airplane. Period. Whether the passenger requires more space for children, workspace, breathing room, or ass – those people should be required to pay for that space. If it turns out that the flight has space to spare, these people could be given a refund for all but one purchased seat. Otherwise, in a packed plane, let people pay for whatever space they cover, and people who cover less space should pay less than people who cover two or even three spaces.
“I have a right to fly, boo hoo, just like everyone else, wah wah.” Sure you do. But if you take up more than one seat, you should have to buy more than one seat.
Honest to boo; I didn’t even have a place for my feet. I rode the entire way with one foot resting on top of the other.
And now, let it begin. More people will side with this woman than with her victims. Why is that? I’ve been wondering that for a long time now.
I’m not a mean person; really, I’m not. Well, not usually. But I do believe, and quite firmly, that on a plane, nobody has a right to an inch that someone else paid for. You want it, or need it? Buy it.